Actual Answers to Sixth Grade History Tests:

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"

3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.

9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out:"Tee hee, Brutus."

From a school essay written by a sixth grader named Leticia:
"The sun is over 3 billion years old, and scientists predict that it will continue to get older for many years to come."

KIDDY TALK

New KID'S on LOVE AND MARRIAGE! (Boy! Talk about hitting the nail on the head!)

"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long."
Glenn, age 7

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble."
Kenny, age 7

"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough."
Regina, age 10

"Love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
John, age 9

"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful."
Manuel, age 8

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular."
Mae, age 9

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date."
Mike, 10

"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when Dinosaurs is on television."
Jill, age 6

"One of the people has freckles, and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too."
Andrew, age 6

"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."
Ava, age 8

"Love is foolish...but I still might try it sometime."
Floyd, age 9

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me."
Dave, age 8

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming."
Allan, age 10

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with."
Kirsten, age 10

WHAT IS THE BEST AGE TO GET MARRIED?

"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then!"
Cam, age 10

"No age is good to get married at.... You got to be a fool to get married!"
Freddie, age 6

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people."
Eddie, age 6

"You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids."
Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough."
Lynnette, age 8

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

"When they're rich!"
Pam, age 7

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that."
Curt, age 7

"The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them....it's the right thing to do."
Howard, age 8

WHAT PROMISES DO A MAN AND A WOMAN MAKE WHEN THEY GET MARRIED?

"A man and a woman promise to go through sickness and illness and diseases together."
Marlon, age 10

HOW TO MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK ?

"Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck!"
Ricky, age 7

"Don't forget your wife's name. That will mess up the love."
Erin, age 8

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash."
Erin, age 8

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?"
Kelvin, age 8

Family Letters

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, Your $on.
****************

Dear Son:

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad

Jimmy had a problem. Jimmy sucked his thumb all the time, and his mother had tried everything to try to make him stop.

She was talking to a friend of her's who said that she stopped her daughter from sucking her thumb by telling her that if she did, a big wart would grow in her stomach and grow so big it would kill her.

Jimmy's mother thought this an effective method, and tried it on Jimmy the next day. As she relayed this to her son, his eyes grew wide, and he immediately stopped sucking his thumb, cold turkey.

A week or so later, Jimmy and his mother were on the bus trying to find a seat. They made there way to the back of the bus where a 9 month pregnant lady sat. Upon seeing this, Jimmy pointed at the woman and blurted out: "I know what you've been doing!"

A friend told me the following about a conversation with her four-year old:

A TV show for children, involving dinosaurs, had a bit where the dinos were wondering whether or not an egg would hatch, and did the dinosaur parents want a baby or not?

Tyke: "Sometimes you get babies when you don't want them."

Mom: "Yes, that's true. But we really wanted you."

Tyke: [Silence for a moment.] "Did Daddy have to cut you open to put his seed in you?"
(The topic having already been discussed in the past.)

Mom: [Dreading the sudden direction the conversation had taken.] "No..."

Tyke: "Then how did he get the seed in?"

Mom: "Uh, he just did."

Tyke: "But *how*?"

Mom: "Do you really want to know?"

Tyke: "YES!!!"

Mom: [Resigned to it, now] "Well, Daddy put his penis in my vagina."

Tyke: [Very wide eyes] "He DID???"

Mom: "Yes..."

Tyke: "But how did he get his big huge penis into your vagina?!"

Mom: [to Dad] "Um, would you help me out a little bit here, dear?"

Dad: [pauses, looks intently at Tyke] "Honey--these are *excellent* questions you're asking!"

Tyke: "How did he get it in?"

Mom: "Well, it just fit."

Tyke: [Digests this for a moment] "So, did it feel good?"

Mom: [Too amused for embarrassment by now] "Yes, dear, actually it did."

Tyke: "Oh."

End of discussion: Tyke's interrogative style was likened to that of an especially tenacious attorney conducting cross-examination.

The next morning Tyke was overheard intently propounding her new knowledge to her two-year old sister.

Kids have this way of getting right to the heart of the matter, huh?

New

And who are these for, Little Boy?

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, and the other is four. The nine-year-old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for checkout. The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"

The nine-year-old replies, "Nope, not for my mom." Without thinking, the cashier responded, "Well, they must be for your sister then?" The nine-year-old responded, "Nope, not for my sister either."

The cashier had now become curious. "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister -- then who are they for?" The nine-year old says, "They're for my four-year-old little brother." The cashier is surprised: "Your four year-old-brother?"

The nine-year-old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike without any difficulty -- and my little brother can't do either of those things."

New

Where is God?

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity. The parents were at their wit's end as to what to do about their sons' behavior.

The parents had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so they contacted him, and he agreed to give it his best shot. He asked to see the boys individually, so the eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"

At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"

The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!"

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